The helpless condition of love

Controlled by my cock, I can’t walk away. My brain tell me go but my cock’s here to stay. Your body Destroys me, Your tummy? Oh my fuckin god your tummy, Like a pillow of silk. Your flesh, your folds, your slippery milk. Oh my god, I’m controlled by my cock. Your feet????!! I can’t fucking sleep, Your neck, I’m so desperate to sink my teeth Into it, and lick your sweat Everything, Everything about you. I salivate, and you return the madness. And I eat, And I feast Upon you, perfectly in tune. And we are one in the moment, this insanity, this hunger, this yearning. I’m drowning in you girl.

The 6 most influential people in my life

spent a good few hours on the road this week, found myself writing again for the first time in years. Yes, who the fuck wants to read this shit i know but it feels like an achievement to commit something vaguely meaningful to me on this blog. I used to love writing, then tiredness zapped those creative energies away. It's nice to post this. The 6 most influential people in my life. 1- My mum. She taught me kindness and badass strength, like unlimited patience. In all the difficult situations I’ve been in, my first thought was always “what would mum do.). Thanks mum. 2- Georgia Brown. Without her love and support through the first 5 years of recovery I would be dead now. I owe my life to Georgia 100%. I wish that I had been the person I am now when we had been together so that I could give back all that she gave me but that’s life. Georgia is just a wonderful wonderful person. 3- Lucy. I have to include “Muffy” in this list. Lucy was the first person that ever made me believe in myself. That was a HUGE thing for me. I always knew I had various talents but I was always too broken to value them or value myself just for who I am. Lucy came from a completely different background to me (a considerable more “glitzy” background) and opened my eyes to a different world. To walk amongst that world and hold my head up high. In her own words “Muswell Hill won’t know what’s hit it” when I moved up to that affluent london suburb years ago. To be proud to be relatively working class, to be proud of my art, to be proud of just me. Thanks Lu. I think about you always and hope you are doing well. 4- Aoife. Changed me, educated me on so many issues that I presumed I was already educated on, made me a better person FULL STOP, EVERYTHING. More than any other person I’ve ever come into contact with. Opened my eyes to the world on so many issues. The “woke snowflake” (and I call myself that with pride) I am today would not be here without our decade long partnership. The consistently happiest I have ever been in my life. Blessed me with the greatest joy I have ever experienced- being dad to Aubrey. Gave me the meaning of life - my daughter. 5- Vezzy - to spend so much time with someone from a different generation has become absolutely invaluable to me. I am so proud and honoured to be friends with the smartest person I have ever known. Vezzy always picks me up on my dumb shit and I always (even though sometimes begrudgingly) listen. Mainly about my T shirt ideas, sometimes about my language (I have spent 25 years on building sites) and occasionally about my sexual liberation which I realise not everyone needs to know about. For a former builder to be immersed in the bad ass gigantic education of Vezzy is a beautiful thing. I listen to her silly voice and want her to run our country. 6- Bex- completely influential in a more personal way. Being in recovery, rule 1 - never date another addict (yeah I know, I broke the rule). Bex is in recovery, there’s an empathy between addicts and those with mental health problems that cannot be truly understood by those not in that boat. There is an honesty between me and Bex that I have never experienced in my life. There is no judgement. In the 18 months we’ve been together, Bex knows more about me than any other human alive. This freedom has led to a more sexually liberated Alex (much to the detriment of the those that have to listen to our sordid antics in the van - sorry dudes). There are no secrets from Bex, no skeletons (and believe me there were plenty). To be completely free of those things that can creep up on us unexpectedly in the night and keep us awake has been brilliant, to know that I can share and be supported. Me and Bex haven’t had an easy ride but I have grown as a person through that ride. Let’s continue growing together. I haven’t written for years. It’s nice to write. I may even pop this on my blog. Love you all x

Tired

I just want it to be daytime
So the world fills up with sound
And my ears stop ringing in the silence
So I can be optimistic again
Night dread
Primal, tapping against the window
When gods visit
When my brain kicks into life,
remembers
and bites me on the ass.
They put my leg back Wonky i bet.
Need another wee
Need another sip
What am I doing
Why am I doing
Anything
Foxes in the night

How to make a baby - by Alex Johnson

Hello blog. I haven't seen you for a while. Life has been pretty mental. I have made a baby. It's been truly the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. Also the most crazy hard thing ever too.
So here we are together again oh blog buddy. My brain has told me i must write about my baby experiences and insights into parenting and all things fatherhood and babies! What a terrible disjointed first paragraph. I hope my flow returns and i end up writing something readable.
I shall return when i get the chance. Bye for now darlings x

There's me - lyrics

I hope that i don't ever end up
With a drudging woman going to work on a bus
voice deep and boring hair highlighted
cheap business suit a naff old pink
and there's me basking in the waft of perfume
and there's me pussy whipped obedient
and there's me oh so sensible haircut
and there's me her junior by a decade
yes i'm bitter i didn't realise
did i once walk around with eyes
only for one lady kissing on the tube
public displays of affection
and there's me dropping ones guard i don't think so
and there's me defences miserably open
and there's me for bastards like me to write shit on
and there's me there's me
ba ba ba
absolute peace that one time read
on the early morning train
red skies followed the frost that the salt didn't get
and soon i'll be growling
and there's me spreading the shit on the walls
and there's me racing against time as usual
and there's me sad hopeless romantic
my name is Alex i am an alcoholic
There's me.....

Dust

I'm like a hollow thing.
Tap me and i'm blown.
Like ancient plaster.
Woodpecker light,
weak and white,
empty and dry.
Takes a sea to fill the void

Pizzatramp inspired hardcore song lyrics x

SICK AS A DOG
JOINTS ON FIRE
NOSE A RUNNING
FUCKING TIRED
OF THIS SHIT
FUCKIN SPINE
JUNKY PRICK
WASTE OF TIME
PAIN PILLS
MOOD KILLERS
SOUL CRUSHERS
FUCK YOU