MY NERVES ARE ON FIRE

and the ants are crawling around in my bollox

Madness

Don't push it,
just let em come natural
and let a few years of pain
flow from those fingertips like.
Don't push it.

TOTAL SOBRIETY

I'll say it again
is like nothing you'll ever feel
from another drug.
When you get there again
finally and real.
And you know what all those religion wackjobs are going through
cept that i just believe in myself.
What a journey i live,
of mind and spirit.
i'm a broken wreck
and it's brilliant to be here again.

THANK YOU

You're the sweetest drug dealer
i ever did meet.
And i know our time was short,
but you have given me,
wow,mate,
you don't even know!
And in your innocence
of this situation.
you've actually saved me!
Thank you Brady.

POSH DOG

Galloping posh dog.
On the pavement.
Highgate woods.
Racing the bus.
Please don't gallop
under us.
You are red with bits of grey.
Your lumber is old but i feel your puppy heart smashing your rib cage!
Jolly hockey sticks jogger,
over the fence,
Lost ya dog have ya?
Hockey sticks,
He's tailing your blue Sweaty Betties through the slats
and i feel his joy
at this yappy reunion.

PIZZA IN HIGHGATE

You delicious beast!
The one we all ignore.
Hundreds, thousands of us every day
walk past your door
and we don't even know.
That you are wonderful!
You know the one,
just across the street from the exit.
Delicious.
You should try it.

NEW YEARS DAY

Wow that was mental.
I fell right back there
didn't i.
I apologise for shouting at you.
Croissant man
but you must admit it,
you were taking the piss.
You cunt!
You fucking prick!
In front of the yummy mummies
of Muswell Hill.
Was it justified?
No,
I think not,
But please just don't
beat me up.
I'm too weak at the moment
and those sweet almond delights of Sable Dor
are now closed to me forever.

ON FINDING THE DROMODOL

This time and
A different ball game
and i'm not even sure how long i've really been sober.
Did i fall from the wagon,
on that aeroplane? No.
From Valium? I don't think so.
I know.
It was finding the Dromodol in my dad's cupboard
for my broken back,
His broken nerves.
THAT was when the wagon fell.
Mez's wedding.
Keef driving,Monkey up front,
eyes dilated amongst the boxes in the back of that van.
Horizontal again.
There i was
At peace with the world.
What an irony.
How cycles will repeat themselves.
That was the 28th September
2008
Fuck!!

IT'S A TRAGIFEST

My old haunts
seen from broken eyes.
Memories always sunlight.
Happiness even from horror
on this broken day.
Broken soul,and beauty everywhere seen.
The corruption that chemicals play on us.
And only from corruption do we really live to see,to feel
alive again.
But so broken.
Mate,
I write for you today.
all this bullshit
a tragifest.

SAFE PLACE

That safe place again.
You're crossing the street
by the Flowerpot.
Pink hair fuck up.
Honesty in every breath
From every pore
Kissing by the blue door.
Back of the bus.
First date,
acid wash,
hair scrunched back.
Just the hottest thing i'd ever seen.
Pink bikini,
Patio duvet,Summer hot.
Short cut,black bob hair at the window i look up.
Taxi cab wobble drunk,staggering heals
that have never let me down.
Too much today for this smashed up soul.
You are my safe place.

2015- TRAIN WRECK

TRAIN WRECK