Sunday, 19 August 2012

'HOW TO MAKE GIRLS CUM 2012"-THE "BEST" FRIEND.



So your girl has a "best friend"?
He happens to be a guy?
How very unfortunate for you.
Don't kid yourself,your instincts are correct.
He is in love with her.
I'm telling ya,unless he is an ex boyfriend and the relationship had run it's course,99 percent of the time this will be straight up truth.
He will eventually break and confess his love to her.
What's worse,she knows but will deny it till she's blue in the face coz she's a cunt.
You'll argue over this man every other week.
When his confession finally occurs,she'll be outraged,
she'll feel "so betrayed".
But your victorious "i told you so"will be short lived.
Your smug gloating smashed in it's face when in retaliation she tells you that she actually fucked the bastard a few months before you arrived on the scene.
Isn't that wonderful.
I weep just writing this.
Rule 1,
never trust her "best friend" if he is a man.
But these fuckers aint actually men though,
they shall be known as "sniffers".
Best tell them to fuck off early before they cause inevitable problems for you later on!

"HOW TO MAKE GIRLS CUM"- MTV PROMISCUITY PORNSTAR CULTURE.



Sex is precious.A womans body is totally fuckin amazing.Every single fuckin bird on the planet with their bumps and holes and odors and crannies.
Be grateful for every kiss,every touch,every fuck,every intimate squelch.
I see a whole generation of young women opening their legs as casually as opening a tin of cat food.
What the fuck????
You are the shit! It is not cool to be a pornstar.It is not good to fuck your girlfriends when you are not gay or even curious ( for whose sake is that for anyway?).
SEX IS PRECIOUS.YOUR BODY IS PRECIOUS.GROW UP 1ST.DECIDE TO BE A FUCKIN SLUT WHEN YOU ARE ADULT ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER.
This book is about loving the best thing in the world,PUSSY.
Love and respect.

"HOW TO MAKE GIRLS CUM 2012"-FURTHER NOTES ON ALCOHOL.

Alcohol is fun.
It loosens the tongue and the knickers.
And the ass.
And the brain.
I loved alcohol so much that it totally fucking destroyed me.
But that is because i am an alcoholic.
Luckilly for you though,not everyone has it in them to be an alcoholic.
Phew! Where were we?
Yes.
White wine.
Women's fighting juice.
I'm telling ya,Chicks and white wine don't mix.
Think of all those fights you've had.
Well the chances are that if drink has been drunk and fights have then been fought then the magic ingredient to really start the party'll be a nice chilled glass or bottle of chardonnay.
Why am i telling you about this?
Well my friends,getting laid and making girls cum has gotta start somewhere and this'll be the dating stage.
So when you are in Pizza Express and the tasty Italian waitress is taking the drinks order,beware the woman that orders the white.
She is mad.
And if she isn't now,she will be in half an hour.
Does make for a crazy fuck though but it'll be like walking the tightrope.
juggling her madness with your lust.
And a reminder,drunk girls take longer.
But then again,what do you care,
You've been knocking em back all night anyway.
Hooray.
I am just jealous.
Jealous of drunken sex and wild abandon.
I weep into my tepid water.
Not really,drunks are boring as fuck!
x

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

GOD WHAT ARE YOUZ LOT LIKE!

LADIES.
I DO LOVE READING 50 SHADES OF GREY FROM OVER YOUR SHOULDER
ON THE MORNING RUSH HOUR COMMUTE.
YOUR KINDLES DON'T FOOL ME.
I ESPECIALLY LIKE IT WHEN YOU TWIG.
REGISTER YOUR GUILTY SECRET DISCOVERED.
EXPOSED,
HOT BETWEEN THE THIGHS,
NOT SURE WHERE TO LOOK,
TO PROCEED OR SHUT THE BOOK.
LADIES READING OLD SKOOL PORN IN THE MORN IN PUBLIC!
YES MATE!
NOW THAT IS PRETTY COOL!