The 6 most influential people in my life

spent a good few hours on the road this week, found myself writing again for the first time in years. Yes, who the fuck wants to read this shit i know but it feels like an achievement to commit something vaguely meaningful to me on this blog. I used to love writing, then tiredness zapped those creative energies away. It's nice to post this. The 6 most influential people in my life. 1- My mum. She taught me kindness and badass strength, like unlimited patience. In all the difficult situations I’ve been in, my first thought was always “what would mum do.). Thanks mum. 2- Georgia Brown. Without her love and support through the first 5 years of recovery I would be dead now. I owe my life to Georgia 100%. I wish that I had been the person I am now when we had been together so that I could give back all that she gave me but that’s life. Georgia is just a wonderful wonderful person. 3- Lucy. I have to include “Muffy” in this list. Lucy was the first person that ever made me believe in myself. That was a HUGE thing for me. I always knew I had various talents but I was always too broken to value them or value myself just for who I am. Lucy came from a completely different background to me (a considerable more “glitzy” background) and opened my eyes to a different world. To walk amongst that world and hold my head up high. In her own words “Muswell Hill won’t know what’s hit it” when I moved up to that affluent london suburb years ago. To be proud to be relatively working class, to be proud of my art, to be proud of just me. Thanks Lu. I think about you always and hope you are doing well. 4- Aoife. Changed me, educated me on so many issues that I presumed I was already educated on, made me a better person FULL STOP, EVERYTHING. More than any other person I’ve ever come into contact with. Opened my eyes to the world on so many issues. The “woke snowflake” (and I call myself that with pride) I am today would not be here without our decade long partnership. The consistently happiest I have ever been in my life. Blessed me with the greatest joy I have ever experienced- being dad to Aubrey. Gave me the meaning of life - my daughter. 5- Vezzy - to spend so much time with someone from a different generation has become absolutely invaluable to me. I am so proud and honoured to be friends with the smartest person I have ever known. Vezzy always picks me up on my dumb shit and I always (even though sometimes begrudgingly) listen. Mainly about my T shirt ideas, sometimes about my language (I have spent 25 years on building sites) and occasionally about my sexual liberation which I realise not everyone needs to know about. For a former builder to be immersed in the bad ass gigantic education of Vezzy is a beautiful thing. I listen to her silly voice and want her to run our country. 6- Bex- completely influential in a more personal way. Being in recovery, rule 1 - never date another addict (yeah I know, I broke the rule). Bex is in recovery, there’s an empathy between addicts and those with mental health problems that cannot be truly understood by those not in that boat. There is an honesty between me and Bex that I have never experienced in my life. There is no judgement. In the 18 months we’ve been together, Bex knows more about me than any other human alive. This freedom has led to a more sexually liberated Alex (much to the detriment of the those that have to listen to our sordid antics in the van - sorry dudes). There are no secrets from Bex, no skeletons (and believe me there were plenty). To be completely free of those things that can creep up on us unexpectedly in the night and keep us awake has been brilliant, to know that I can share and be supported. Me and Bex haven’t had an easy ride but I have grown as a person through that ride. Let’s continue growing together. I haven’t written for years. It’s nice to write. I may even pop this on my blog. Love you all x

Tired

I just want it to be daytime
So the world fills up with sound
And my ears stop ringing in the silence
So I can be optimistic again
Night dread
Primal, tapping against the window
When gods visit
When my brain kicks into life,
remembers
and bites me on the ass.
They put my leg back Wonky i bet.
Need another wee
Need another sip
What am I doing
Why am I doing
Anything
Foxes in the night

How to make a baby - by Alex Johnson

Hello blog. I haven't seen you for a while. Life has been pretty mental. I have made a baby. It's been truly the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. Also the most crazy hard thing ever too.
So here we are together again oh blog buddy. My brain has told me i must write about my baby experiences and insights into parenting and all things fatherhood and babies! What a terrible disjointed first paragraph. I hope my flow returns and i end up writing something readable.
I shall return when i get the chance. Bye for now darlings x

There's me - lyrics

I hope that i don't ever end up
With a drudging woman going to work on a bus
voice deep and boring hair highlighted
cheap business suit a naff old pink
and there's me basking in the waft of perfume
and there's me pussy whipped obedient
and there's me oh so sensible haircut
and there's me her junior by a decade
yes i'm bitter i didn't realise
did i once walk around with eyes
only for one lady kissing on the tube
public displays of affection
and there's me dropping ones guard i don't think so
and there's me defences miserably open
and there's me for bastards like me to write shit on
and there's me there's me
ba ba ba
absolute peace that one time read
on the early morning train
red skies followed the frost that the salt didn't get
and soon i'll be growling
and there's me spreading the shit on the walls
and there's me racing against time as usual
and there's me sad hopeless romantic
my name is Alex i am an alcoholic
There's me.....

Dust

I'm like a hollow thing.
Tap me and i'm blown.
Like ancient plaster.
Woodpecker light,
weak and white,
empty and dry.
Takes a sea to fill the void

Pizzatramp inspired hardcore song lyrics x

SICK AS A DOG
JOINTS ON FIRE
NOSE A RUNNING
FUCKING TIRED
OF THIS SHIT
FUCKIN SPINE
JUNKY PRICK
WASTE OF TIME
PAIN PILLS
MOOD KILLERS
SOUL CRUSHERS
FUCK YOU

Waterloo Screwdriver gig protest

I remember when i was young, us Medallions used to love all the protests happening in London. To be honest, we were only going for the scraps they entailed rather than what the protest actually stood for but we always made an effort. There were the Poll Tax riots, the Criminal Justice Act mash up on PArk Lane. We always made an effort to go on the Anti Nazi LEague Rallies. We liked having fights with Nazi's but mainly we just liked fighting coz it was fun and we were young and it was stupid and anyway, it wasn't actually real fighting. Life was all a game.
I remember being at Waterloo station one time to stop a Screwdriver gig from happening at a secret location in London. The Screwdriver meet was at Waterloo so we all showed up and threw glasses at some boneheads who cowered by the ticket booths, glass smashing above their heads. They were massively outnumbered and i i have to admit, i did feel pangs of sympathy on a purely human level. No one got really hurt but they just looked so pathetic all dolled up in their NF regalia. It was like they couldn't understand why folk were hating on them. Silly boys.
Anyway, it turned out that most people there that day were also just like our group. Thrill seekers really. And cowards. But i'll get onto that. I remember a man being beaten up just because he had short hair and his Indian friend screaming at the attackers that he was with them. It was horrible. We all ended up running around like headless chickens. At one stage i remember crossing the rail tracks just outside Waterloo (one of my reoccurring nightmares). I dunno who we were running from. It was all charging about but i didn't really see much action.
The police ended up "kettling" us up under a bridge whilst the main body of skin heads (who magically appeared shortly after) were then led to safety across Waterloo bridge and then onto their gig.
Afterwards folk seemed to congregate towards Jubilee Gardens. Dunno how many of us, a couple hundred maybe. An element of fear and suspicion had entered the mind of the pack. Folk with short hair (me included with a shaved head) quickly found hats to wear. There was a lot of unspent adrenalin going around.
And then check this, The Naziest of Nazi skins i had ever seen, this lone guy with the swagger of Leon Gallagher enters Jubillee Gardens and into our throng. Held held high and he was walzing about everyone. It was hilarious. No one went near him. I'd just watched this group beating up innocent people and here was a guys seriously fronting out a crowd of hundreds. I'll never forget it. It was almost magical. Humans are cowards. All it would have taken was one person to ignite the spark and then he would have got a paste but no one went near. I think that was the last Anti Nazi League rally we went on.
20 years on and we have a real enemy. The far Right are on our fucking doorsteps. For real. I have to say that my fists are twitching.This feels like war. Horrible.