YES TROLLEYS THANK YOU.
DOUBLE ALBUM WITH SNUFF'S DUNCAN REDMONDS ON STICKS!
YAY!! X
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Saturday, 17 March 2012
NOTES FROM THE SEX MANUAL: MINDFUCKING
Up until now these two innocent words have been given a bad rep.
A mind fuck was generally associated with a perplexing and unpleasant situation.
Not anymore, today we are here to change that.
Mindfucking is the latest craze to storm the streets of England.
Why leave all that horny imagination to the teenagers when you could have some yourself.
Let me let you in to a little secret.
Inside our head is a thing called a brain, an organic humanoid central computer not unlike that seen in the Hollywood movies. Now apart from the ability to move our body parts telepathically (without touching them)the brain has an even more "spooky" function, the imagination: the ability to see things in your own head that others cannot! Yes! Not everything you see is really there. The imagination can also be explained as "brain eyes" (to see with the brain only) and we'll be using this terminology from now on.
So there you have it. A short recap on the human brain.
Let us proceed.
Ever been with friends and a group of young nuns walk past? You know what everyone's thinking? Wouldn't it be good to deflower those frosty white women of God. Someone might make a crude suggestion to a chorused mumble of agreement, but the moment has passed, the nuns have gone and the story is over. Or is it?
"i just mindfucked the redhead in the middle while the others beat on deerskin tambourines right there on that wall"
What just happened here? The nuns had passed. Surely it isn't possible. Well it certainly is brother and a whole lot more. You see, i mindfucked the nun with my braineyes and it was brilliant.
MINDFUCKING: THE RULES. FOR TWO TO MULTIPLE PLAYERS
Once the start of play is established, players keep an eye out for potential mindfucks. Once the sexual mindfuck partner has been established the mindfuck takes place there and then. The visualisation of the act is projected into ones conscious. Once complete, the fucker shares his liaison with fellow players. The spontaneous act of the mindfuck throws up some interesting situations. Why I would fuck the busty redhead wearing nothing but a knitted bonnet I'll never know? The beauty of the mindfuck: let the subconscious take the lead.
Honesty plays a key role in this game unlike in real life where honesty leads to imprisonment and persecution. To lie or exaggerate ones mindfuck is simply not on. Don't bite of more than you can chew. Expect to be asked intimate details afterwards, any cheating is easily spotted. If one can't recount in detail the vaginas of an entire ladies hockey team down to moles, piercings and labial dimensions then don't even think about trying to bugger them as well. Keep it simple, keep it safe, get in there, fuck, get out and share the good times with friends.
PLEASE NOTE:KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THE MORBIDLY DEPRAVED OR THOSE THAT ACTUALLY ACHIEVE ORGASM (TO FILL THE PANTS) MID GAME.I'M AFRAID TO SAY THAT YOUR COLLEAGUE IS PROBABLY A PRACTICING RAPIST AND SHOULD BE REPORTED TO THE AUTHORITIES SOON AFTER THE GAME HAS FINISHED.
X
A mind fuck was generally associated with a perplexing and unpleasant situation.
Not anymore, today we are here to change that.
Mindfucking is the latest craze to storm the streets of England.
Why leave all that horny imagination to the teenagers when you could have some yourself.
Let me let you in to a little secret.
Inside our head is a thing called a brain, an organic humanoid central computer not unlike that seen in the Hollywood movies. Now apart from the ability to move our body parts telepathically (without touching them)the brain has an even more "spooky" function, the imagination: the ability to see things in your own head that others cannot! Yes! Not everything you see is really there. The imagination can also be explained as "brain eyes" (to see with the brain only) and we'll be using this terminology from now on.
So there you have it. A short recap on the human brain.
Let us proceed.
Ever been with friends and a group of young nuns walk past? You know what everyone's thinking? Wouldn't it be good to deflower those frosty white women of God. Someone might make a crude suggestion to a chorused mumble of agreement, but the moment has passed, the nuns have gone and the story is over. Or is it?
"i just mindfucked the redhead in the middle while the others beat on deerskin tambourines right there on that wall"
What just happened here? The nuns had passed. Surely it isn't possible. Well it certainly is brother and a whole lot more. You see, i mindfucked the nun with my braineyes and it was brilliant.
MINDFUCKING: THE RULES. FOR TWO TO MULTIPLE PLAYERS
Once the start of play is established, players keep an eye out for potential mindfucks. Once the sexual mindfuck partner has been established the mindfuck takes place there and then. The visualisation of the act is projected into ones conscious. Once complete, the fucker shares his liaison with fellow players. The spontaneous act of the mindfuck throws up some interesting situations. Why I would fuck the busty redhead wearing nothing but a knitted bonnet I'll never know? The beauty of the mindfuck: let the subconscious take the lead.
Honesty plays a key role in this game unlike in real life where honesty leads to imprisonment and persecution. To lie or exaggerate ones mindfuck is simply not on. Don't bite of more than you can chew. Expect to be asked intimate details afterwards, any cheating is easily spotted. If one can't recount in detail the vaginas of an entire ladies hockey team down to moles, piercings and labial dimensions then don't even think about trying to bugger them as well. Keep it simple, keep it safe, get in there, fuck, get out and share the good times with friends.
PLEASE NOTE:KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THE MORBIDLY DEPRAVED OR THOSE THAT ACTUALLY ACHIEVE ORGASM (TO FILL THE PANTS) MID GAME.I'M AFRAID TO SAY THAT YOUR COLLEAGUE IS PROBABLY A PRACTICING RAPIST AND SHOULD BE REPORTED TO THE AUTHORITIES SOON AFTER THE GAME HAS FINISHED.
X
Tuesday, 6 March 2012
Moosehawk.A rough biog
Moosehawk formed pon a scaffold in Blackheath,South London,around 2005.
It was sunny.
I was pebble dashing.
So i got chatting to the site foreman about his spiraling drink problem and (being an ex alcoholic myself)the positive ways to combat it.
I make music i told him.It's like my release,my AA.
If you come up with some lyrics i'll form a band and write an album for you(not believing for a second that he would ever do this).
We finished our days work.
24 hours later a jubilant Ryan climbed the scaffold again armed with a sheaf of hand written lyrics,pretty much the entire Moosehawk album.
Shit! Hahahaha.
Calls were made that afternoon between mixes and by close of day amazingly had our line up.
But what to call ourselves?
We were definitely gonna be an Oi band and i kinda liked the name "Cuntin Skins".
Later that day however,talk turned to women and in particular a girl we both knew,and would we sleep with her!
"Urgh,not that Moosehawk!!"was Ryan's reply.
"Moosehawk?What the fuck's a Moosehawk?"
The gods had spoken,we had our name.
Rehearsals followed swiftly and the tunes came fast and furious,about three a session,consisting of unused riffs of mine and an anything goes attitude to songwriting.
I would put guitarist Crispin on the spot and tell him to play the first thing that came into his head.
Who cares if it was a ripped off riff.
Another song (Look at me now,it's The Phantom)was bass player Pwosion's tuning up routine.
I'd grab everything and cobble it all together with a shouty chorus,ready for the true genius of Moosehawk,Ryan and his beautiful words.
Innocent,truthful and kinda sad.Geezer lyrics.Brilliant.
We recorded as we wrote and had the album wrapped up within 3 months of forming.
Our first show was a near sell out at London's ULU.
Moosehawk went on to play a handful of other shows before Ryan nicked a tonne of money on the credit cards and did a bunk to Thailand.
A life as a career criminal followed with one of the most ingenious scams i have ever heard of.
Alas,i can't share it with you but rest assured it was of the noble variety and no one suffers because of it.
That pretty much sums up Moosehawk.
I'd like to dedicate this album to Moosehawk original Paul.
Paul joined us in those rehearsals.Drunk,dancing and very silly.
A melancholy soul forever battling the bottle.
Sadly like too many others,he didn't make it,dying in Thailand from an overdose of methodone sold to him for pain relief from a broken arm.
He was a good soul.
x
(The Moosehawk album will get a release one of these days in all it's straight up anthemic glory.Am stupidly proud of it)
THIS IS THE ALBUM!!! http://wonk-unit.bandcamp.com/album/the-amazing-adventures-of-moosehawk
It was sunny.
I was pebble dashing.
So i got chatting to the site foreman about his spiraling drink problem and (being an ex alcoholic myself)the positive ways to combat it.
I make music i told him.It's like my release,my AA.
If you come up with some lyrics i'll form a band and write an album for you(not believing for a second that he would ever do this).
We finished our days work.
24 hours later a jubilant Ryan climbed the scaffold again armed with a sheaf of hand written lyrics,pretty much the entire Moosehawk album.
Shit! Hahahaha.
Calls were made that afternoon between mixes and by close of day amazingly had our line up.
But what to call ourselves?
We were definitely gonna be an Oi band and i kinda liked the name "Cuntin Skins".
Later that day however,talk turned to women and in particular a girl we both knew,and would we sleep with her!
"Urgh,not that Moosehawk!!"was Ryan's reply.
"Moosehawk?What the fuck's a Moosehawk?"
The gods had spoken,we had our name.
Rehearsals followed swiftly and the tunes came fast and furious,about three a session,consisting of unused riffs of mine and an anything goes attitude to songwriting.
I would put guitarist Crispin on the spot and tell him to play the first thing that came into his head.
Who cares if it was a ripped off riff.
Another song (Look at me now,it's The Phantom)was bass player Pwosion's tuning up routine.
I'd grab everything and cobble it all together with a shouty chorus,ready for the true genius of Moosehawk,Ryan and his beautiful words.
Innocent,truthful and kinda sad.Geezer lyrics.Brilliant.
We recorded as we wrote and had the album wrapped up within 3 months of forming.
Our first show was a near sell out at London's ULU.
Moosehawk went on to play a handful of other shows before Ryan nicked a tonne of money on the credit cards and did a bunk to Thailand.
A life as a career criminal followed with one of the most ingenious scams i have ever heard of.
Alas,i can't share it with you but rest assured it was of the noble variety and no one suffers because of it.
That pretty much sums up Moosehawk.
I'd like to dedicate this album to Moosehawk original Paul.
Paul joined us in those rehearsals.Drunk,dancing and very silly.
A melancholy soul forever battling the bottle.
Sadly like too many others,he didn't make it,dying in Thailand from an overdose of methodone sold to him for pain relief from a broken arm.
He was a good soul.
x
(The Moosehawk album will get a release one of these days in all it's straight up anthemic glory.Am stupidly proud of it)
THIS IS THE ALBUM!!! http://wonk-unit.bandcamp.com/album/the-amazing-adventures-of-moosehawk
Codiene
I have a codiene addiction.
Tis a bugger.
I developed my addiction to codiene through injury.
That old chestnut
the bad back.
Bane of my life
my lower lumber.
That hot dull ache
from buttocks to knee,
that shreeking lockjawed agony
when muscles lock in spasm.
So we need opiates
synthetic and real to release us.
Let's talk about Nurofen plus.
Our highstreet saviour,
the friend we trust.
The friend and royal pain in the ass.
Begins with an itch around 3 oclock
and mild flu by 6.
That tickle in the tummy that tells us someting aint quite right.
Looking up,never far from sight
our friend lays.
effervescent packets on the window sill.
Foil wrapped in maybe too many places.
Pockets and drawers,
under the bed
on the floor.
in tool bags and skate packs.
Amongst the guitar strings
but rarely with the other medicines.
they won't last that long.
Now 3 days in
and i'll continue to ignore
that tickle,
screaming at me from my belly.
So the cycle repeats.
Get through a week
and we join the blessed land of the normal again.
And we flush the couple pills we have left,
coz to be honest,
a couple aint really enough anyway.
Until the next time.
When the back is red raw
and we justify our trip to the chemist.
Regular painkillers just don't cut the mustard see.
Oh how we kid ourselves.
Tis a bugger.
I developed my addiction to codiene through injury.
That old chestnut
the bad back.
Bane of my life
my lower lumber.
That hot dull ache
from buttocks to knee,
that shreeking lockjawed agony
when muscles lock in spasm.
So we need opiates
synthetic and real to release us.
Let's talk about Nurofen plus.
Our highstreet saviour,
the friend we trust.
The friend and royal pain in the ass.
Begins with an itch around 3 oclock
and mild flu by 6.
That tickle in the tummy that tells us someting aint quite right.
Looking up,never far from sight
our friend lays.
effervescent packets on the window sill.
Foil wrapped in maybe too many places.
Pockets and drawers,
under the bed
on the floor.
in tool bags and skate packs.
Amongst the guitar strings
but rarely with the other medicines.
they won't last that long.
Now 3 days in
and i'll continue to ignore
that tickle,
screaming at me from my belly.
So the cycle repeats.
Get through a week
and we join the blessed land of the normal again.
And we flush the couple pills we have left,
coz to be honest,
a couple aint really enough anyway.
Until the next time.
When the back is red raw
and we justify our trip to the chemist.
Regular painkillers just don't cut the mustard see.
Oh how we kid ourselves.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
