When i look at you
it makes me wanna puke
scrawny bunch of slobs
dirty pack of dogs
smoke ya poxy joints
tripping out ya mind
lazy bunch of wasters
think you are headcases
middle class upbringing
safe secure background
always got ya way
end up in an ashtray
useless crusty we love you.
treat ya mum like shit
she don't give a shit
but i think ya wrong
but ya never wrong
influence the young
think ya really cool
wanna be like you
start to bunk off school
useless crusty we love you
you aint going nowhere
ya lives are full of shit
but you won't admit that
you're going down you fool.
I can't understand
the way you work your head
fuck you idiot
You're all dead.
useless crusty we love you
useless motherfuckin crusty beg off me and i'll stab your poodle
have a bath.
x
Wednesday, 31 August 2011
Boy Racer lyrics by The Flying Medallions
In the seat of my brand new Escort
140 mile an hour she runs.
She can overtake Porsche's,drag race Ferrari's,
my only arch enemy is James Hunt that cunt.
Flames scorch my bonnet and wings
as furry dice keep me in style.
Blacked out windows,alloy wide wheels
drives all the pussy wild
Chorus
But there's one thing that drives us on
in that impossible dream
John Travolta and Olivia
Burning down that drainage ditch stream
Me and my bird sit on leopard skin seats
Trevor and trace across the glass.
My back seat racers doing their thing
with their eyes and ears up their ass
Sainsburys carpark on a Saturday night
is where we like to pull.
Plenty of poony well educated stuff,
trouble is my car's too full.
x
140 mile an hour she runs.
She can overtake Porsche's,drag race Ferrari's,
my only arch enemy is James Hunt that cunt.
Flames scorch my bonnet and wings
as furry dice keep me in style.
Blacked out windows,alloy wide wheels
drives all the pussy wild
Chorus
But there's one thing that drives us on
in that impossible dream
John Travolta and Olivia
Burning down that drainage ditch stream
Me and my bird sit on leopard skin seats
Trevor and trace across the glass.
My back seat racers doing their thing
with their eyes and ears up their ass
Sainsburys carpark on a Saturday night
is where we like to pull.
Plenty of poony well educated stuff,
trouble is my car's too full.
x
Saturday, 20 August 2011
Letter to Pwos and Ad.
i just sent Aoife to Tescos to buy me 12 crispy creme donuts!
Fuck yes.
I'm gonna stuff my fuckin face.
I'm gonna seriously eat at least 4.
The 1st one i'm gonna ram in my gob WHOLE.
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF THE CHOCOLATE FILLING SPILLS OUT ONTO MY CHIN AND CHEEKS.
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
So that's what i'm doing anyway.
x
Fuck yes.
I'm gonna stuff my fuckin face.
I'm gonna seriously eat at least 4.
The 1st one i'm gonna ram in my gob WHOLE.
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF THE CHOCOLATE FILLING SPILLS OUT ONTO MY CHIN AND CHEEKS.
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
So that's what i'm doing anyway.
x
Saturday, 13 August 2011
The Murderburgers,Wonk Unit,DeeCrack ,Emergency Bitter fuck up Camden
This is a show i'm putting on.
the reason it is on my blog is that the bullshit i wrote made me laugh.x
Sunday, October 9 · 2:00pm - 7:00pm
The Black Heart
2/3 Greenland Place
Camden Town, United Kingdom
The Murderburgers are from Glasgow.Don't be put off by this.They are friendly and i'll be on hand to translate any questions you may have for them.To make matters more difficult for us all,they'll be touring with DeeCracks from Austria!!Now i don't know how the fuck we are supposed to communicate with this bunch but hopefully they'll have there own translator.Maybe like one of those sign language people who stands in the corner of your telly when a deaf program is on.Yeah man,sign language Austrian translators are well cool.I reckon it will be a fit bird call Agatha.Yeahhhhh.Then there's Wonk Unit.Everyone loves wonk unit because of their amazingly lovable bass player The Pwosion.He is friends with the cast from Eastenders.Fuck the others,they are both cunts.I have asked Emergency Bitter to play.This is because they are men.Real men.Sensible,dependable,big chunky men.Who smile.And that is really the most important thing in life.Smiling.Even if you are fucking miserable.Many thanks.
PLEASE ALSO NOTE THAT THIS SHOW IS AN AFTERNOON SHOW.THIS IS BECAUSE WE WILL TRY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE HORDES OF DUSKY ITALIAN TOURISTS (FEMALE OF COURSE) WHO ROAM CAMDEN ON A WEEKEND LOOKING FOR ENGLISH COCK.YES.CAMDEN IS A COCK AND TIT FEST OF A WEEKEND AND THAT IS WHY WE LOVE IT.
the reason it is on my blog is that the bullshit i wrote made me laugh.x
Sunday, October 9 · 2:00pm - 7:00pm
The Black Heart
2/3 Greenland Place
Camden Town, United Kingdom
The Murderburgers are from Glasgow.Don't be put off by this.They are friendly and i'll be on hand to translate any questions you may have for them.To make matters more difficult for us all,they'll be touring with DeeCracks from Austria!!Now i don't know how the fuck we are supposed to communicate with this bunch but hopefully they'll have there own translator.Maybe like one of those sign language people who stands in the corner of your telly when a deaf program is on.Yeah man,sign language Austrian translators are well cool.I reckon it will be a fit bird call Agatha.Yeahhhhh.Then there's Wonk Unit.Everyone loves wonk unit because of their amazingly lovable bass player The Pwosion.He is friends with the cast from Eastenders.Fuck the others,they are both cunts.I have asked Emergency Bitter to play.This is because they are men.Real men.Sensible,dependable,big chunky men.Who smile.And that is really the most important thing in life.Smiling.Even if you are fucking miserable.Many thanks.
PLEASE ALSO NOTE THAT THIS SHOW IS AN AFTERNOON SHOW.THIS IS BECAUSE WE WILL TRY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE HORDES OF DUSKY ITALIAN TOURISTS (FEMALE OF COURSE) WHO ROAM CAMDEN ON A WEEKEND LOOKING FOR ENGLISH COCK.YES.CAMDEN IS A COCK AND TIT FEST OF A WEEKEND AND THAT IS WHY WE LOVE IT.
Sunday, 17 July 2011
Sharon (The Flying Medallions)
You're a fuckin dirty old slag
You're disgusting dirty old slag
You're revolting dirty old slag
I hate you,you fucking slag
You're a fucking dirty old slag
Spotty faced bitch,golden handbag
Fishnet stockings,white high heals
Gin and tonic sleeping pills
You think you know the fucking lot
well i know your cunt is filled with grot.
Frizzy pubes covered in crud
what's that smell urgh cod
your face looks like a wild boar,
come on then boys let's beat the whore.
Don't feel guilty,don't feel shit
Trust me men,she's used to it.
Come on boys let's beat the whore,
kick her in the face,knock her through the door.
When she's bleeding,just don't stop
haha haha haha not.
Fish and chips,greasy kebabs
don't forget darling you're a dirty old slag.
Come to me for attention and shit,
fuck you bitch,suck my dick.
Coz you're a slag
and i'm glad
it aint sad
that you're a slag.
You're a fucking dirty old slag
if ya fuck the bitch things must be bad.
Go on Kevin give her one,
pick axe handle up the bum.
What is in that golden handbag?
Stinky old perfume ya dirty fat slag.
Little tart sucking uncles dick
but you don't care you just want prick.
All you tarts around the earth,
legs apart lying on the turf.
Don't look at us with anger and hate.
The Flying Medallions,think you're great.
Coz you're a slag
and i'm glad
it aint sad
that you're a slag
you're a fucking slag you fucking slag!
The good old 90's eh.
how the world has changed.
No one seemed to bat an eyelid with the lyrics above.
In fact,the song Sharon was on a split single with Green Day.
Hahahaha
Looking back,these lyrics were fucking awful.Fuck me the PC brigade would of had a field day.
You're disgusting dirty old slag
You're revolting dirty old slag
I hate you,you fucking slag
You're a fucking dirty old slag
Spotty faced bitch,golden handbag
Fishnet stockings,white high heals
Gin and tonic sleeping pills
You think you know the fucking lot
well i know your cunt is filled with grot.
Frizzy pubes covered in crud
what's that smell urgh cod
your face looks like a wild boar,
come on then boys let's beat the whore.
Don't feel guilty,don't feel shit
Trust me men,she's used to it.
Come on boys let's beat the whore,
kick her in the face,knock her through the door.
When she's bleeding,just don't stop
haha haha haha not.
Fish and chips,greasy kebabs
don't forget darling you're a dirty old slag.
Come to me for attention and shit,
fuck you bitch,suck my dick.
Coz you're a slag
and i'm glad
it aint sad
that you're a slag.
You're a fucking dirty old slag
if ya fuck the bitch things must be bad.
Go on Kevin give her one,
pick axe handle up the bum.
What is in that golden handbag?
Stinky old perfume ya dirty fat slag.
Little tart sucking uncles dick
but you don't care you just want prick.
All you tarts around the earth,
legs apart lying on the turf.
Don't look at us with anger and hate.
The Flying Medallions,think you're great.
Coz you're a slag
and i'm glad
it aint sad
that you're a slag
you're a fucking slag you fucking slag!
The good old 90's eh.
how the world has changed.
No one seemed to bat an eyelid with the lyrics above.
In fact,the song Sharon was on a split single with Green Day.
Hahahaha
Looking back,these lyrics were fucking awful.Fuck me the PC brigade would of had a field day.
Monday, 13 June 2011
2 things
Hello
My name is Alex and i want to share with you this evening 2 things.
One good,
One bad.
First the good.
I wanna talk about steak.
Yep,the flesh of the cow.
You know when you cook steak at home and ya always left thinking,Yeah,nice but i wish it tasted how you once had it in a restaurant.
Ya get me yeah?
Well check this,this is how ya cook steak.
OK when choosing ya steak it's important to look for fat kinda mottled through the flesh.
This is called marbling.
Up until recent i always looked for the leanest cuts thinking it would be the tenderest,tastiest choice.
Nope,you've been conned blud.
That marbling,that fat,cooks out and desolves in the pan and makes ya beef taste wicked.
Telling ya,go buy a rib eye.
These are the dapper don daddy of steaks.
Fuck all that fillet mignon fillet steak loads of dosh bullshit.
those steaks are for the pussyole yeah.
Word.
Ok,but what cuts ya buy aint what this piece is about.
Butter.
That's what we're saying.
this is how ya cook ya steak.
OK,turn on ya hob,highest heat.
Put in a glug of olive oil.
Let your pan heat up hot as hot can be.
that oil's gotta be smoking.
Proper hot.
while it's heating up,pat dry ya steak with a piece of kitchen towel.
When ya pan is volcanic,this is the good part chuck in the pan like maybe a third of a packet of butter.
Yup.loads.
Watch that fucker sizzle.
Now,salt ya dry steak on the side that's going down 1st.
Put the bastard in the molten bubbly butter oil cauldren.
there's gonna be butter bubbling all round the steak.
With ya spatula,you wanna like spatule the butter,like keep coating up,licking up the steak.
Flip the meat,salt the side and repeat.
I like my steaks pretty well done(5 a side and flipped again) but reckon to do a ribeye medium rare you want 2 mins a side then rest for 2 mins.
The butter cooks the meat well good.
you get that brilliant flavoursome char taste.
OK that's what i wanted to say about steak.
A good thing.
Now the bad.
I know i shouldn't do it coz it always pisses me off.
I google Wonk Unit to check up on the happy world of punk rock.
And once i get through the millions of gig listing and myspace/facebook blarb i'll stumble upon a review.
And it is alway BAD.
Like nasty and bitchy and just totally fuckin wrong.
The kind when you think,hang on,were you even there?
I came across one earlier.
An acoustic show,a good support actually with the guy from the Slackers.
It was a local show for me and at leat 70 percent of the audience were my friends but were also down for Vic.We're talking about 50 people
We all had a laugh and i like to think i did a good job in warming up the people for the headliner.
There were a few people on before me but they didn't really have an audience.
You know the sort of set you see a million times but no one pays attention and you feel guilty for not watching the whole set.
Now if you were to go by this review on a very punk credible site you'd actually think that the opening acts were brilliant and i was a load of shit.
That my whole take on life is some comedy fucking routine penned for laughs,cringe worthy awful and of terrible terrible bad taste.
I write about my life you fuckin cunts
No one elses.
Mine.
I write for me.
You poor fucking punk rock lambs you.
Telling ya,i stuck my blood covered cock on the 1st album just so you pissy nameless wankers could write shit on me.
OK,rant over.
And it wasn't aimed at you people,my blog followers who are all my friends.
I just hate the fucking poison some people write about me.
I just wish i could rough em up a bit.
Not too bad,just a few punchs.
x
My name is Alex and i want to share with you this evening 2 things.
One good,
One bad.
First the good.
I wanna talk about steak.
Yep,the flesh of the cow.
You know when you cook steak at home and ya always left thinking,Yeah,nice but i wish it tasted how you once had it in a restaurant.
Ya get me yeah?
Well check this,this is how ya cook steak.
OK when choosing ya steak it's important to look for fat kinda mottled through the flesh.
This is called marbling.
Up until recent i always looked for the leanest cuts thinking it would be the tenderest,tastiest choice.
Nope,you've been conned blud.
That marbling,that fat,cooks out and desolves in the pan and makes ya beef taste wicked.
Telling ya,go buy a rib eye.
These are the dapper don daddy of steaks.
Fuck all that fillet mignon fillet steak loads of dosh bullshit.
those steaks are for the pussyole yeah.
Word.
Ok,but what cuts ya buy aint what this piece is about.
Butter.
That's what we're saying.
this is how ya cook ya steak.
OK,turn on ya hob,highest heat.
Put in a glug of olive oil.
Let your pan heat up hot as hot can be.
that oil's gotta be smoking.
Proper hot.
while it's heating up,pat dry ya steak with a piece of kitchen towel.
When ya pan is volcanic,this is the good part chuck in the pan like maybe a third of a packet of butter.
Yup.loads.
Watch that fucker sizzle.
Now,salt ya dry steak on the side that's going down 1st.
Put the bastard in the molten bubbly butter oil cauldren.
there's gonna be butter bubbling all round the steak.
With ya spatula,you wanna like spatule the butter,like keep coating up,licking up the steak.
Flip the meat,salt the side and repeat.
I like my steaks pretty well done(5 a side and flipped again) but reckon to do a ribeye medium rare you want 2 mins a side then rest for 2 mins.
The butter cooks the meat well good.
you get that brilliant flavoursome char taste.
OK that's what i wanted to say about steak.
A good thing.
Now the bad.
I know i shouldn't do it coz it always pisses me off.
I google Wonk Unit to check up on the happy world of punk rock.
And once i get through the millions of gig listing and myspace/facebook blarb i'll stumble upon a review.
And it is alway BAD.
Like nasty and bitchy and just totally fuckin wrong.
The kind when you think,hang on,were you even there?
I came across one earlier.
An acoustic show,a good support actually with the guy from the Slackers.
It was a local show for me and at leat 70 percent of the audience were my friends but were also down for Vic.We're talking about 50 people
We all had a laugh and i like to think i did a good job in warming up the people for the headliner.
There were a few people on before me but they didn't really have an audience.
You know the sort of set you see a million times but no one pays attention and you feel guilty for not watching the whole set.
Now if you were to go by this review on a very punk credible site you'd actually think that the opening acts were brilliant and i was a load of shit.
That my whole take on life is some comedy fucking routine penned for laughs,cringe worthy awful and of terrible terrible bad taste.
I write about my life you fuckin cunts
No one elses.
Mine.
I write for me.
You poor fucking punk rock lambs you.
Telling ya,i stuck my blood covered cock on the 1st album just so you pissy nameless wankers could write shit on me.
OK,rant over.
And it wasn't aimed at you people,my blog followers who are all my friends.
I just hate the fucking poison some people write about me.
I just wish i could rough em up a bit.
Not too bad,just a few punchs.
x
Saturday, 28 May 2011
AA
Just remember man,whatever ya problems,at the end of the day,it is YOU that picks up the glass.You have a choice and you are choosing to drink.It's very easy to blame outside influences for ones alcoholism but to be honest,that's just a cop out. It's not as if we have our hands tied and they're the ones pouring the drinks down our throats.
Sorry if this sounds kinda heavy but there aint really a nice way of saying it.
We are the problem.It is our choice,no one else"s.
I say this to ya coz i remember hearing it myself for the 1st time.
I was in a group therapy session at at drying out clinic and everyone was talking about ones previous failed sobriety attempts.
And i was whinging about how my girl was still boozing and offering me no support and that my career had been wrecked after The Medallions had that motor crash.
And the councilor was like,"what,so she was forcing you to drink?She was lifting the glass to your lips?"
And i was like "aaaah"
It was after this that i realised that all my previous bouts of sobriety had failed coz i blamed everything and everyone else for my boozing but NOT myself.
I guess "acceptance" kinda really hit home after that.
It's down us and us only.
Sobriety is seriously the best thing ever.
If you are fucked,if you are an alcoholic then it will not get better.
It's down hill all the way for us lucky cats.
hahahahah
We may be able to briefly control it but i reckon we all know by now that it never lasts long.
All that lovely guilt we wake up to every day.
hahahahahahah
Staying sober isn't an easy ride,
there's never a time when you are suddenly fixed BUT
life gradually gets better and continues to keep getting better.Life becomes good.It really does.
The 1st year is the hardest,you have got to keep busy but after a while a time comes when you start to forget that you are suffering.
I could never imagine a life without drinking.
I just couldn't see it.
I would probably of chosen death and in fact i almost did.(i burst a massive artery off of my heart and i was bleeding internally into my lungs effectively drowning in my own blood) but this didn't stop me drinking (it was a violent incident involving a loved one that did).
Now,it seriously doesn't bother me.
Sobriety is normal,just as being fucked off my face was the norm back then.
It sounds cliched but we gotta arm ourselves against possible relapses,just shit one can do/avoid bla bla bla to avoid falling off the wagon etc
If any of this makes sense then there's plenty more stuff that would be good for you to hear.
Just shit i've learnt along the way like.
TBC
Sorry if this sounds kinda heavy but there aint really a nice way of saying it.
We are the problem.It is our choice,no one else"s.
I say this to ya coz i remember hearing it myself for the 1st time.
I was in a group therapy session at at drying out clinic and everyone was talking about ones previous failed sobriety attempts.
And i was whinging about how my girl was still boozing and offering me no support and that my career had been wrecked after The Medallions had that motor crash.
And the councilor was like,"what,so she was forcing you to drink?She was lifting the glass to your lips?"
And i was like "aaaah"
It was after this that i realised that all my previous bouts of sobriety had failed coz i blamed everything and everyone else for my boozing but NOT myself.
I guess "acceptance" kinda really hit home after that.
It's down us and us only.
Sobriety is seriously the best thing ever.
If you are fucked,if you are an alcoholic then it will not get better.
It's down hill all the way for us lucky cats.
hahahahah
We may be able to briefly control it but i reckon we all know by now that it never lasts long.
All that lovely guilt we wake up to every day.
hahahahahahah
Staying sober isn't an easy ride,
there's never a time when you are suddenly fixed BUT
life gradually gets better and continues to keep getting better.Life becomes good.It really does.
The 1st year is the hardest,you have got to keep busy but after a while a time comes when you start to forget that you are suffering.
I could never imagine a life without drinking.
I just couldn't see it.
I would probably of chosen death and in fact i almost did.(i burst a massive artery off of my heart and i was bleeding internally into my lungs effectively drowning in my own blood) but this didn't stop me drinking (it was a violent incident involving a loved one that did).
Now,it seriously doesn't bother me.
Sobriety is normal,just as being fucked off my face was the norm back then.
It sounds cliched but we gotta arm ourselves against possible relapses,just shit one can do/avoid bla bla bla to avoid falling off the wagon etc
If any of this makes sense then there's plenty more stuff that would be good for you to hear.
Just shit i've learnt along the way like.
TBC
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